


Crowley’s Dream

by tardisswimmingpool



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 15:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20438444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisswimmingpool/pseuds/tardisswimmingpool
Summary: Crowley has a dream about the day he fell, and he is reminded of something he has spent the past six thousand years avoiding.





	Crowley’s Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I’m really bad with summaries, but basically this is my take on the whole Crowley and Aziraphale knowing each other before Crowley fell idea. 
> 
> I wasn’t originally going to post this because it didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted it to, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Crowley opened his eyes to find himself submerged in a sea of darkness. The demon rubbed at his head which was throbbing furiously as if it had been recently smashed against a hard surface. Groaning, he attempted to pull himself up, but the moment he got to his feet, he felt woozy. It took a little while, but eventually he gained his balance. 

“Ugh, where am I?” he looked around out of habit, although he couldn’t see shit even with his enhanced vision so it was kind of pointless.

Wherever he was, it was hot-extremely hot. The outer part of his body was practically drenched in sweat, and he could feel his clothes sticking to him in uncomfortable places. That’s the curse of the corporeal body-Crowley was actually affected by heat. Back in the day, when he was not bound by his physical form, he could spend all day in an oven and never feel a thing. In a way, he did. All day and every day until he was stationed on earth. He was a demon after all, and it was only just recently that hell discovered the concept of AC. Hell used to be a boiling cesspit, and he had loved it. Now though (at least in the main offices) hell was freezing all the time because the electric fans had been running on overdrive- hence the phrase “COLD as hell.” The current environment sure felt a lot like the good old days though. Wait a second...

The thought was cut short by a loud crash. 

“Hello?”

There was no answer. 

Suddenly, Crowley’s ears picked up the sound of embers flickering. A ring of fire appeared out of nowhere about ten feet away from him, now illuminating the room. The flames surrounded a motionless body on the floor of what Crowley could now see was a grand cavern. Above him the ceiling seemed to extend forever. If it wasn’t for the tiny dot of light at the top, one would assume it did. For such a small light it was incredibly bright, and even from way down there Crowley’s eyes burned. He reached down by his feet where, after the sound of the crash, he had managed to drop his sunglasses. Repositioning then on top of his nose, he sniffed, and proceeded to cautiously approach the body in front of him.

“Hi? Are you alright?” it was weird for a demon to care about the wellbeing of another, but Crowley’s curiosity got the better of him, so he felt compelled to ask.

The figure was curled up in a fetal position, sobbing softly. He was dressed entirely in white. The only color came from the few red curls that popped out from behind the enormous wings that were currently hiding his face. 

“Excuse me?”

The angel sat up. While the features were distorted by the flames that separated the two of them, Crowley could identify the figure almost immediately. How could he not? After all, the face he was looking at was his own. 

“Who are you?” The angel’s voice cracked.

Crowley hesitated. He wasn’t keen on the idea of conversing with his former self because it brought up a bunch of complicated emotions that he had been repressing for millennia. Most of which had to do with one thing, and that one thing was something Crowley really did not want to think about...

“I’m no one,” he sighed and turned his back to walk away.

“Wait!” The angel begged. “Don’t leave me alone!”

“You’re not alone,” Crowley mumbled, “the others will wake up soon enough.”

“The others?”

“The fallen. Beezlebub, Hastur, Ligur, and the rest. You’re one of them now.”

The angel looked at his wings which were slowly turning black. His eyes began to sting as blood began to drip from them onto his cheeks. He shut them tightly. When he opened them, they had changed into something ghastly, horrid- bright yellow orbs with black slits in the center. The rosy color drained from his face, leaving him a cold, pale shell of the person he was a minute ago.

“You might want to get yourself some new clothes. White doesn’t really cut it down here,” Crowley snapped his fingers, and the angel’s beautiful pearl tunic changed to one that was torn and black as night. “There you go. You’ll be the envy of all of hell.”

The new demon pulled his knees closer to his body, hugging them tightly. He sobbed profusely. 

Crowley could feel his heart start to ache. He clutched at his chest, frowning. He didn’t want to continue this conversation; in fact, he wanted to continue walking and leave the pathetic shadow of his past behind forever. He would have too, afterall emotion had always been his downfall, however the angel’s next words would stop him in his tracks. 

“Where’s Aziraphale? What happened to him?” he had cried. 

And there it was-the one thing that Crowley had spent so many years avoiding. 

__________________

It had started shortly before the war in heaven. Crowley was out on a morning stroll when he spotted Aziraphale lounging on a cloud nearby. He immediately paused, his face flushing a deep red. 

Now at this point in time, Crowley had only spoken to this other angel on a few occasions. They were not close by any means, but Crowley always wanted to be. He could tell from those brief interactions that this was someone he would like to hang around with. He was kind, he was funny, and man, he was cute-absolutely adorable. His smile was practically brighter than God’s heavenly light, and the sight of it made Crowley’s insides flutter. 

Unfortunately, despite being head-over-heels for this semi-stranger, Crowley was always too shy to approach him unless somebody else was around to initiate conversation. He saw Aziraphale practically every day on these strolls, but every time he wanted to say hello the words got caught in his throat. 

That day, to his dismay, he had no choice but to go over. While he was stuck in his own little world, Aziraphale caught sight of him and was motioning for him to come closer.

“Fuck! Don’t panic. Don’t panic,” Crowley’s mind was whirling as he awkwardly made his way over there.

“Hel...hel..Hello Aziraphale,” Crowley stuttered.

“It’s a lovely day, don’t you think?”

God hadn’t introduced rain yet, so technically all days in heaven were lovely. Nevertheless, Crowley nodded.

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

“Won’t you sit?”

Crowley hesitantly positioned himself on the cloud next to Aziraphale. There was only a few inches between them. The other angel smiled, and Crowley’s face began to feel warm; he was blushing again. 

“You know I see you out here all the time. We make eye contact and smile, but why don’t you ever come over to say hello? I don’t bite,” he giggled at that last part. 

Crowley gulped.

“I mean I guess we don’t know each other that well which might have something to do with it, but I’d like to change that.” 

“You...you would?”

“Sure! I rather liked talking to you before at the last gala. And I enjoyed those movements you were making in time with the celestial harmonies. What did you call that?”

*the galas were social gatherings that the archangels put on every now and then in order to entertain the angels when they were not on the job. They were formal affairs as one would imagine, but to an angel small talk and harp music used to be the greatest thing. It was their way of “letting loose” after a long day. 

“Dancing,” Crowley said, proudly. 

“Yes, yes! That was good fun to watch. I’ve never really seen dancing before.”

“That’s because Gabriel says angels shouldn’t dance. I got a stern lecture about it afterwards.”

“Well that’s not right,” Aziraphale frowned. “You were only trying to have a good time.”

“It was probably for the best. I don’t think I was very good at it anyway,” Crowley managed a smile. 

“Well I thought it was charming. Perhaps you could teach me sometime?” 

“I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Gabriel never has to know,” Aziraphale whispered. “And hey, it would give us a chance to get to know each other better.”

“I’d like that.” 

The two smiled at one another. For the rest of the afternoon they sat laughing and talking, and they even played a game where they would miracle the clouds into shapes and try to guess what the other had made. Crowley had never been happier.

From that moment forward, the two angels only grew closer. Eventually they reached a point where they were practically inseparable. Of course that was only until Lucifer and the gang got involved. Crowley was intrigued by their radical ideas (afterall, there were a lot of things he didn’t like about heaven and that he would like to change), and he slowly found himself falling under their spell. He had no idea what he had signed up for by hanging around them. He never meant for things to go as far as they did. He certainly didn’t mean to help cause a war. In fact, he was mighty relieved when Lucifer’s followers were defeated because he wanted things to go back to the way they were. Unfortunately, God had other plans.

Just after the war ended, Crowley had sought out Aziraphale to beg for his forgiveness. He knew that his friend did not approve of his actions, and he knew that he had hurt him by choosing to disobey heaven’s orders. He wanted to make things right, but, sadly, he never got the chance. The moment he found Aziraphale, he was intercepted by Gabriel and Michael. Aziraphale had cried out for them to let Crowley go, but it was too late. The two of them carried him to heaven’s gates where Lucifer and the others were waiting. They explained that God was casting them out for going against the ineffable plan. 

The last thing Crowley remembered was Gabriel snapping his fingers, and then he fell through the clouds and into the darkness. 

That was the end of things. Within a few days, Crowley would discover that God had wiped the memories of every angel in heaven. They would remember the war and the banishment of the demons, but the identities of their former peers along with all the good memories they shared would be forgotten. All those days that Crowley and Aziraphale sat laughing and watching the clouds together would be lost. Any feelings that Aziraphale may have developed towards him were gone. Crowley himself might as well have not existed. And the worst part was, despite Aziraphale having no idea who he was or what had happened between them before the incident in the garden, his feelings towards him never changed.  
_________________

Crowley stared at his former self for a moment, not knowing what to say. 

“Where is he?” Crawley (as he would eventually be called) repeated. 

Crowley sighed. He snapped his fingers and a gap opened in the ring of flames, granting him entry. He stepped forward. Crawley watched curiously as the stranger made his way towards him. 

“What are you...look I don’t know who you are, but if you don’t tell me where Aziraphale is right now...” he jumped to his feet.

Crowley removed his sunglasses and stood directly in front of the new demon. Crawley blinked a couple of times because he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“You...you’re,” he was horrified. “Me.”

“Aziraphale is still in heaven. You’re not going to see him again for awhile. And when you do...” Crowley bit his lip, “he won’t remember you.”

“But...”

“He won’t remember you or anything you did together. And it’s all because I fucked up,” Crowley lowered his head and sighed, “It’s my fault you’re here. I’m sorry.”

“So that’s it? It’s over?” Crawley cried.

“Not entirely. In a few thousand years things will be ok again. Bit of tension here and there, but you’ll be alright.”

“But I loved him.”

“And you’ll never stop. You just learn to cope.”

Crowley could feel the tears coming. It was rare that he cried these days (his reputation wouldn’t allow it), but this was too much. 

“Do you at least tell him?” Crawley asked.

His future self said nothing. He simply spun around and began to venture back into the darkness. Crawley tried to follow but the gap in the fire closed behind him.

“Come back!”  
_____________________

Crowley woke to find himself on the floor next to his bed. He must’ve fallen out at some point during the night, and he had been too out of it to get back up. That explained the headache. Groaning, he rolled over onto his stomach and pushed himself up.

“What time is it?” He felt like he had been asleep for days, but in actuality it had only been a few hours (he had gone to sleep around midnight, and it was just past three). 

He crawled back into bed and looked out the window at the moon which was still high in the sky. There was no way he was getting back to sleep after that dream. Not a chance. 

Actually that was the third dream that week that revolved around Aziraphale in some capacity. He had been thinking about their relationship a lot ever since they diverted Armageddon, and it seemed to him that there wasn’t anything standing in his way anymore. So why couldn’t he tell him the truth? Maybe he was just a coward. Afterall, he had no idea how Aziraphale would react to such a confession. He couldn’t bear the thought of rejection. It would create a divide between them, and he would lose him. Crowley couldn’t let that happen...not again. But carrying this secret that dated back thousands of years...the weight of it would eventually destroy him. He didn’t know what to do. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 

“Who the fuck...” he slid out of the bed and stomped to the entry way. “It’s 3 in the fucking morning.”

He threw open the door and found Aziraphale waiting on the other side. 

“Angel?” He blinked a couple of times, not fully convinced that he was awake and Aziraphale was actually standing there.

“Sorry, I know it’s late, but I can’t sleep. I think we need to talk.”

Crowley yawned.

“Okay, sure.”

He stepped aside, allowing Aziraphale to come in. The angel cautiously entered the flat, but he only made it a few feet (just enough space for Crowley to close the door behind him) before he turned around to face his friend. 

“You alright?” Crowley asked (he had noticed that the angel was shaking).

“No, not really.”

“Do you wanna sit down? I have some wine in...”

“No, I’m fine. Look Crowley. I...erm...Ive been thinking and...I actually can’t stop thinking about it...I’m not exactly sure how to say this...but I am starting to suspect that I might be...that I might be a little bit...” 

Crowley’s ears perked up. 

“Ugh, why is this so hard to say? We’ve known each other for a long time and we’ve been through so much together, and I think that at some point along the way I might’ve developed...feelings towards you.”

“Feelings?” The demons heart skipped a beat. 

“I think...I think I like you...as more than a friend, I mean,” he looked away, flustered.

“You...” Crowley’s eyes widened.

“You probably think I’m the biggest fool in the universe because I know there’s the whole angel-demon dichotomy, but it’s like you said, we’re on our own side now, and I have always felt an attachment to you (oddly since the moment I laid eyes on you in Eden. It was like I had known you forever) but now that there’s nothing standing in the way I just thought...I mean that’s only if...”

“Angel,” Crowley interrupted him because he was rambling, but he continued.

“I know it’s crazy. I’m crazy. I shouldn’t have...”

“Angel.”

“It’s just I have been holding on to this for a long time and...I’m sorry. Gosh I’m so embarrassed.”

“Angel.”

“I’m going to go now,” Aziraphale spun around, but Crowley caught hold of his sleeve to hold him back.

“Wait, Angel. It’s ok. I, um, I actually have something I want to tell you too. It’s kinda a long story though.”

Gently, he took Aziraphale’s hand in his own, and he led the angel into the parlor. Aziraphale was confused (and still very red in the face), but he didn’t resist.They sat down together, and Crowley began his story. He told Aziraphale all about his dream and what happened before the fall along with the fluctuation between acceptance and denial throughout the years. He described the pain and the sorrow but also the joy and the hope. The angel listened intently but never said a word. When Crowley had finished, Aziraphale just stared blankly at him for a few moments. 

“I know it’s a lot to process. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I thought you deserved to know,” Crowley gulped, “You probably want to retract what you said about me earlier. I imagine you think I’m some creepy stalker or something because I kept going after you even though I knew you didn’t remember. I guess a part of me always hoped you might someday, but regardless I would never forget. It haunts me to this day because I had hurt you, and then I lost you before I had the chance to apologize and tell you the truth. And the truth...well the truth is I loved you.”

There was silence. 

“Please say something. Angel, I’m an idiot, I know, and I’m selfish, and there’s really no reason for you to associate with me after I’ve lied to you for so long, but I promise you that it killed me every day because my feelings towards you never changed. Even now, whenever I look at you, my heart just starts beating really fast, and I get butterflies in my stomach. I’m head-over-heels, and I’ve tried so hard to turn it off, but I can’t.”

Still nothing.

“Angel, I’m never been more sorry about anything in my life. I fucked up. I knew that then, and I know it now. Can you forgive me? Losing you is my only regret, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you again because of this. Please, Aziraphale.”

“Crowley...” the angel finally spoke. “Can you just stop talking? I don’t want to hear anymore.”

“Angel, please.”

“Just shut up,” Aziraphale said firmly. 

Crowley was taken aback. 

“Aziraphale?”

“Crowley, I’m sorry but I have no recollection of you from before. I’ve been racking my brain the entire time you’ve been speaking, and it’s just not there. I wish it was.”

Crowley lowered his head.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I care for you. I always have, and if anything this makes a lot of sense because I always felt like I knew you from some place else- in another life. When I met you it didn’t feel like a first meeting. It felt like a reunion. Perhaps Gabriel and the others didn’t erase everything. They certainly didn’t erase my feelings towards you. Of course, I can’t speak for past me, but I’d like to think they would agree that you are what makes my life worth living. You are my light, Crowley-what keeps me going. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken up and left for the other side of the globe just for the chance to see you. I can’t imagine life without you, and I don’t want to.”

“So you’re not mad?”

“It’s a lot to take in, but I’ll be alright. Besides, that’s all in the past, and we have a whole future ahead. If you’re up for spending it with me, I mean.”

Crowley smiled. 

“Of course. And you know,” he reached for Aziraphale’s hand again. “One good thing did come from all of it.”

“What’s that?”

“I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.”

Aziraphale looked away, blushing. 

“Oh cut it with the cheesy rom com lines and just kiss me already.”

Crowley hesitated for a moment, but leaned forward to give the angel a quick peck on the lips. They were soft and the touch made his heart flutter.

“What was that?” Aziraphale giggled.

“I didn’t want to go too fast.”

“My dear, it’s been over six thousand years,” The angel smiled and proceeded to pull Crowley closer by the end of his tie until there was only a few centimeters between them. “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I’m ready now.”

“I lo.....” Crowley was silenced by the angel’s lips. 

“I know,” he breathed into Crowley’s mouth. “I love you too.”


End file.
